Tag Archives: The Oscars

The Oscars Come To the Retirement Home

It’s panic night here at the retirement home. Someone, who has to remain nameless, downloaded copies of a dozen movies and guess what – they all ended up in different categories in the Oscar Awards this week. Downloading movies is a definite no-no so the minute disc-on-key device that is moving at the speed of light from one apartment to another is much sought after. Two days after Oscar night, the entire disc will be out of date, the movies discussed, hacked to pieces by this discerning crowd of Golden Aged movie critics and forgotten.

Meantime, the main objective of every resident is to get one’s hand on the disc for the least possible amount of time and make copies of the movies one wants to see, meaning all of them. There are a few minor problems in this. The average age here is 80, so the computer operators are all between 75 and 90 with quite a few in their mid-nineties. The first problem is finding the switch on the computer. Once that’s been accomplished and the screen is glowing in anticipation, one has to remember exactly where one hid the disc-on-key thingy the last time the great-grandchildren came to visit.

The second obstacle is locating my glasses which are always on my head when I don’t need them. Finally I am confronted by the microscopic disc-on-key and the almost invisible matching slot in the computer. By the time I’ve got everything together the crotchety old guy from the fifth floor who is next on the borrow-list is banging on the door. I hit the ‘enter’ key and start the copying process. “Too bad!” I smile at him, let him in and pour him a whisky to dull the edge of his impatience. “It’s out of my hands. My computer is almost as old as me and steam operated!”

We have 6 great movies to watch, enough to get us through the next couple of weeks. But I‘ll have to buy another bottle of whisky tomorrow.

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You Wanna Look Like 90?

thCADRCGITMaybe I Do… I didn’t shave on Friday by mistake. Something happened at shave time and I missed out. It happens. Friday morning emergencies, you know. I missed shaving again on Saturday and on Sunday I decided to give it a miss as well. By Monday one could see a distinct 9 o’clock shadow so I decided to leave it and see what develops. Maybe a nice, homey looking beard suitable for my age will appear. I always admire those elderly men who have beautifully sculptured beards. Today at breakfast my wife said, “You didn’t shave this morning.”

“Aha, you noticed,” I said. “It’s been like this since Friday.” “Well, get rid of it! You trying to look like 90?” she asked. “Maybe,” I said. “Maybe it’ll suit me, make me look distinguished and intelligent.” “Go shave!” she says. “Give it a chance,” I plead. “Maybe you’ll even like it,” I say. “Hrmpph. I hate it already!”

It’s still there. I don’t know what all the fuss is about with beards. I took a good look at Abe Lincoln in the movie ‘Lincoln’ the other evening. His beard was terrible. I bet his wife Mary never said a word about the scruffy, moth-eaten whiskers he sported. What about all the other men who have reached a respectable age and decided to give up shaving? They all look good and some even look great. Take Hollywood, for instance. The Oscars are coming up soon. You will see a profusion of beards on the male stars – all for the wrong reasons. At least my beard – if it survives the criticism and grows up, will be there for a good reason – I’ve earned it!