Tag Archives: Goldenagers

97 Year Old Leads Dancing At The Retirement Home

The retirement home staged their annual Purim party on Sunday evening. The invitation read 7:00 sharp and by 6:20 the dining room was packed. One or two hopefuls who arrived on time wandered around looking for vacant chairs. The mountain of electronic sound equipment with 2 human operators and a singer provided a variety of music throughout the evening and there was a heavy flow of soft drinks and sugarless cakes to the tables. A few enterprising Goldenagers remembered their good old days and smuggled in bottles of wine under their clothes.

The costumes were dazzling. The dress theme was “The Sixties” and many of us didn’t have to dress up – our everyday clothes are from the Sixties anyway. Violently colored wigs are all the rage this season and many of the women were topped in psychedelic pinks, greens and blues.

The party started off with a selection of dancing. A short, agile and super-energetic woman was in the forefront and for the first half an hour none of us recognized her. She had on a spiky gold wig, a shiny pink mask with narrow eye-slits, a top with flashy gold sequins and a short, um, very short skirt and black tights. She twirled and twisted her way around the dance floor, moving from one partner to another.
“Who is she?” we asked each other as we watched her in action.

We were stunned to see her bouncing. No one in this retirement home bounces. We keep both eyes strictly on our weak points, meaning hips, knees and ankles. Bouncing is out! And then her mask slipped and her face was revealed.
“It’s Gilda, you know, from the corner apartment on the sixth floor!
“Who?”
“C’mon, you know her. She’s usually in a wheel chair. The one with the attractive Nepalese caregiver! She must be about 90!”
“Impossible! Look at her go!”
“Actually, she’s 97,” someone at our table said. “I’m her neighbor and she asked me to help her to fill in some forms for her bank one day. Born in 1917. Saw it with my own eyes!”
We watched in disbelief, our mouths wide open as she whirled, twisted and bounced her way through the exhausted line of partners. It was a stunning exhibition of 60’s dancing. The band took it as a challenge and the faster she danced the faster the beat of the music.

Shortly before 9pm her Nepalese caregiver came into the dining room. She was pushing a wheelchair. She weaved her way through the dancers, gently took Gilda’s arm, led her off the dance-floor, settled her into the seat, snuggled a blanket around her and wheeled her out. The party was over.


A Week of Snow in the Retirement Home

I remember clearly the day the new flat screen TV set arrived at our apartment in the retirement home. I stared at this marvel of technology and watched as the technician connected the wires, pressed buttons, waved the remote and said, “That’s it, folks! Enjoy your new set!”
I remember that I said, “Just a minute young feller; show me exactly what I have to do to get a movie.”
“All you have to do is point the remote at the TV and press this little green button,” he said.
He lied.

Last night I was late in switching on the TV. I thought I might be missing the news so I grabbed the remote and in my haste pressed the nearest button. I got snow on about 200 channels and I did miss the news. For all I knew Cyprus could have sunk and Syria could have fallen while I tried to get the set back on the rails. There are a limited number of buttons on the remote and I have pressed them all singly, in tandem and hopscotch fashion; in alphabetical order and in all four directions and nothing happens. I know the satellite dish is still up there on the roof because Ben, my mate on the fifth floor, says his set is working fine.

Three days later I am still looking at the snow. My usual electronics help team, which consists of assorted grandchildren, are all out of town and the TV repairman gave me an appointment for next Tuesday, “between 8am and 5pm. Please be home when I arrive.” I Googled the subject and got back about 200 answers, none of which quite matches my problem.

Someone needs to open a seniors’ store, a place where we Goldenagers can buy simple electronics and modern day gadgets that operate with a flick of the finger. The remotes should have one big button marked “press here” in large letters and should be able to operate everything.