Practicing To Be 80 Years Old

I’m practicing to be 80 – there’s a birthday around the corner and I don’t want to arrive completely unprepared. All the 80-year olds I see look right at home in their age and that’s the 80-year old I wanna be. I also feel that my personal Freedom Day has arrived and I’m busy thinking about all the things my

  • Mother or father wouldn’t allow me to do,
  • Teacher wouldn’t allow me to do,
  • My wife won’t allow me to do,
  • My children won’t allow me to do,
  • I just never did because…

Is this the time when I am totally free (except from the income tax department) to do anything I want? Now is the time I can…, Um…, there must be something I wanted to do all these years. I had a list … somewhere…

Let’s see: I may decide to read or play on the computer until 4 am. I may also decide to sleep until noon. Can I now eat all those cholesterol loaded foods – chicken and goose livers that I shunned all these years? How about those full-fat smelly cheeses? Then there are all those practical jokes that old men play but can never be nailed for on account of their age. I am always tempted in the supermarket to move things around on the shelves and mix up the goods. I keep thinking about the joke I once read about the retired guy who kept sneaking boxes of contraceptives into other shopper’s trolleys.

Oh yeah, I’m going to be 100 percent positive about everything. I won’t care about what other people think. I won’t even question myself any more. I reckon I’ve earned the right to be wrong.

I like this feeling of being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I’m here, I will not waste time lamenting on what could have been, or worrying about what will be. I’m going to ignore the pain in my back and I’m going to eat ice-cream every day.



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