They’re Changing The Locks in the Retirement Home!

Can you believe this? We’re all getting new keys. I’ve got an itch in my palm just at the thought. Someone lost something or the same something disappeared out of their apartment so we Golden Agers get new keys. The management just does not understand, do they? I will explain. Stand in front of any senior, put a key in the palm of his hand and tell him to keep it open. Now keep your eyes fixed on the key. It will disappear in front of you. Losing keys is our thing. It’s what we do and it’s what we do best. No one can beat us at losing keys.

We can make a key disappear in broad daylight. Every old ager walks around with a key in his hand. He puts it next to his coffee cup in the lounge. It lies on the bridge table next to the undealt deck of cards. He holds it and strokes it. It’s what makes him a man of property. He has something he must lock up. He never ever puts the key in a lock or turns it, but no one knows that. He just makes sure you see him with his key.

I guess all the new keys are coming from the same place. They will all be the same color and they will all look identical to a rheumy senior eye. Oh, I am gonna collapse from laughter. Imagine the line outside the manager’s office…

“I’m so sorry, I’ve lost the key to my apartment. It’s a black one with the brass thingy that goes in, you know.” Same story, 20, 30, 50 times a day?

“I put my key on the coffee table and I was sitting next to this woman, Mabel. She also had a key. I think she took my key because the one I’ve got doesn’t fit any more and my jewelry’s inside you understand.

Yes, by all means, change the locks and give us new keys. We can’t wait!

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