Bone Building Exercises for Pain Relief?

The chair exercise lady saw me hobbling along the other day and asked what was wrong.
“It’s my back,” I said. “I’m using one of those old backs, you know…”

“Come to my bone-building classes,” she said. “Sundays and Wednesdays at 9.”

“Fine,” I said, “they will help my back?”

“Guaranteed.”

“I’ll be there.”

So this morning me and my aching back were banging at the door at 5 minutes to 9, ready for an instant cure. The session started with free standing exercises, arm swinging, head rolling, shoulder twitching and hip twisting, nothing to get excited about. I managed everything quite easily and felt no extra pain in my back.

After about 15 minutes, we were asked to collect weights from the big box in the corner. I got mine, two small barbells, each marked 1 kilogram. I sneered, thinking back to my days in other gymnasiums, where the barbells started at 10 kilograms. So I took my two  1 kilo pieces of steel and swung them around, lifted, curled, twisted and tossed them, all the time impressed at how they were helping my back. After about 10 minutes of this I noticed that each 1 kilo barbell now weighed 3 kilos so I went a little slower. My back responded well, sending smoke signals when I overdid anything.

Another 15 minutes passed in boring movements, all well controlled and painless – I kept thinking of the old exerciser’s adage, “no pain – no gain”, and I noticed that the 3 kilo barbells were now 6 kilos each, weighing heavily and moving slower, no matter what the exercise. I still managed everything.

Finally the punishment was over. All that remained was to get down on my knees and push the two 25 kilo barbells into the corner. I guess they use a crane to get them back into the box.

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